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[eluser]Dam1an[/eluser]
I just skimmed this thread, so feel free to shout at me if I missed something, but you said you wanted to use static methods cause you don't want methods that manipulate multiple object in a model which is only aware of itself. So why not have 2 models, singular and plural? Such as User and Users etc
All the methods related to me (a single user) would go in the User model, and everything else (which you currently have as static) goes into the plural model.